A Rooney/Ronaldo less Manchester United still easily saw off the pathetically feeble Roma 1-0, a score that was replicated with a lot of luck by a Barcelona side which blatantly does not deserve to be so close to a European final. Still, the upcoming semi-final encounter between the sides should be quite orgasmic.
The match everyone expected to be the worst turned out to be the only decent Champions League quarter-final, with Liverpool beating Arsenal 4-2 thanks to a mental last 5 minutes. While the scoreline was exciting, the football from the home team was as uninspiring as ever. As was Chelsea’s brand, and so they duly won 2-0, setting up the least anticipated semi final of anything ever.
Having already laid waste to English football, it seems the Big 4 are now set to spread their curse over the European stage as well. While the fact that 3 English clubs find themselves in the semis of the Champions League again would usually be cause for celebration on those shores, most Englishmen (apart from supporters of said club) are struggling to summon feelings of pride given the distinct lack of English players involved. For an accurate reflection of English footballing quality, refer to their absence from the upcoming European Championships.
But while the European Cup/Champions League used to be all about magical nights with Europe’s best facing off against each other, it looks set to become yet another Big 4 party, much like the Premiership. Realistically, there are only 4 other clubs in the WHOLE OF EUROPE that can compete with them financially: Barca, Madrid, Milan and Inter. Their financial might ensures that Man United, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool will always, without fail, be England’s European representatives. Meanwhile, the likes of Villareal, Udinese, Sociedad, Stuttgart, etc..etc… have to compete against them, with a pittance of a budget, with little or no Champions League experience to speak of.
While the Man United - Barca tie is understandably a salivating prospect, the other semi final is being looked upon with dread rather than anticipation, as will a potential all English final. Sadly though, this is what the future of the Champions League looks like.
BUT WAIT!
Some of you might remember UEFA”S plans to establish quotas for home grown players in the squads, due to come in to effect in the near future. While this is undoubtedly a positive step, it is unlikely to make any significant impact on the big boys. What they will do is build a core squad of 15 foreigners, as they do now, and then just chuck a few English kids in the make up the numbers. Platini’s UEFA appears to be in the early stages of pubescence, but to prove they have some balls, they must extend such regulations to the playing XI, as they once were in the best years of the European Cup. Thaen, and only then, will the Champions League be anything other than a BIG 4 tournament with occasional special guests.
April 14th, 2008
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In light of recent refereeing events in La Liga, I feel it is my duty, as a responsible purveyor of information, to once again publish the following picture:
That is all.
April 14th, 2008
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There is no doubting, even by the most vociferous ABU, that Ronaldo is the best forward in the world at the moment. I emphasize forward, because someone like Iker Casillas will never get mentioned in the same breath in the best player in the world stakes, despite his never ending heroics in goal. That said, having tried and failed to locate a TV channel that was not showing THAT backheel against Aston Villa, I have taken it upon myself to expose the world to an even better goal, in the same vein, scored on the same weekend, that I have not seen on any channel since. It was scored by Ivan Bolado of unfashionable Racing Santander (currently 5th, not that anyone knows), and it goes a little something like this.
But hey, lets just keep watching Ronaldo’s goal for the 24299th time.
April 7th, 2008
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Nothing much changed in the Champions League last week; Roma meekly bowed down to Man United again, Barca were terrible again (but somehow managed to win), and, unsurprisingly, Liverpool turned hordes of people away from football forever after another unbelievably unattractive performance (which, even more unsurprisingly, ended in a draw). Thankfully, Fenerbahce provided the spark, beating Chelsea 2-1 thanks to a spectacular goal from Deivid, setting up the only exciting 2nd leg on offer.
Every pundit in the world will wax lyrical about how 2-1 is actually a good result for the away team, but that is sheer nonsense. Sure, they have the precious, coveted away goal, but they are still BEHIND in the tie, meaning Fenerbahce have two options (win, draw) open to them compared to Chelsea’s one. While all the neutrals , including yours truly have obviously jumped on the Fener bandwagon, the thought of Jose Mourinho watching Avram Grant lift the trophy with his old team also excites me.
The other match on Tuesday features Liverpool so I refuse to spend any more time on it.
A disgrace to football.
On Wednesday, Barca have to turn up in front of their furious home fans and finish the job against an unbelievably profligate Schalke. They should be able to scrape through, but if ever anyone had a chance to overturn a first leg home less, it is the Germans. However, their inability to shoot straight will send them crashing out.
In the other match, Roma have to travel to Old Trafford again, which by now must feel like a trip to the Principal’s Office for them. Having conceded 2 away goals and scored none of their own, the writing is on the wall for another humiliation. The likely absence of Ferdinand and Vidic, coupled with the likely presence of Totti should allow Roma to keep the scoreline respectable, but talk of a comeback is simply ludicrous.
Its all shaping up for Man United-Barca and Liverpool-Fenerbahce, which means its shaping up for a Man United-Liverpool final, which means Moscow should hire some extra police post haste.
April 7th, 2008
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Ah, its that time of year again when the sweet sultry tones of the Champions League song begin to ring in our ears in full force, with the start of the business end of the tournament. As always, an intriguing set of encounters await…
First up is the humiliation rematch, with Roma looking to erase memories of their pathetic 7-1 capitulation at Old Trafford last year. Until recently I thought they would finally shake the Manchester United shirt-wearing monkey off their back, especially given that they’ve played them twice since then, and Manyoo look anything like as spectacular in Europe. However, the loss of captain/talisman/best player/loyal servant/etc… Francesco Totti is the biggest blow possible for any team anywhere. No team is so unashamedly reliant on one player, and Roma will feel the pain. They may even have to employ a striker this time.
The other Tuesday night tie seemed like a formality when the draw was made, but Barca have been struck by a serious bout of Murphy’s Law lately, giving Schalke a serious chance of reaching the semis for the first time. Also aiding the Germans in this regard is the absence through injury of Messi, Deco, and possibly Puyol, Milito and Eto’o, as well as the absence through pretend injury of Ronaldinho. Barca are truly down to the bare bones, but Santi Ezquerro (remember him?) still can’t make the squad.
Wednesday sees the all-English clash between Arsenal and Liverpool, a match that would be an exciting prospect if not for the presence of Liverpool. At least Javier Mascherano has been guaranteed a starting place, so flying tackles, unintelligible abuses and red cards should be in abundance. Being a Liverpool European match, they will no doubt defend for 210 minutes and then win on penalties.
Finally, Avram Grant’s Chelsea taken on high flying Fenerbahce. Something about Grant’s less than imposing stature appears to have taken all expectation off Chelsea, so much so that they might actually do something in Europe this time. Fenerbahce will provide a contest, but their shambolic defence will surely ship too many goals for them to progress. The nightmarish prospect of another Chelsea-Liverpool semi-final awaits…
April 1st, 2008
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So maybe there isn’t a Liga after all. At half-time in the Betis-Barca match it looked like there might be, with Barca 2-0 up and Betis having barely ventured out of their own box, let alone half. Someone obviously sabotaged their oranges though, for Barca came out for the second half dazed and confused, and promptly let in 3 goals (one of which was yet another Edu header from a cross from the left. Good thing the Barca defence did their homework…). To make matters worse for neutrals everywhere, Madrid beat a disinterested and disjointed Sevilla 3-1 the next day, thus increasing the gap to 7 for probably about the 7th time.
But wait, all is not lost! Little Villareal comprehensively won their extremely important encounter with Atleti 3-0 to leapfrog the hopeless Barca into 2nd, a mere 6 points behind Madrid. Given Los Merengues terrible recent form, and indeed Villareal’s excellent form over the same period (unbeaten in 9), everyone is getting excited about a possible heroic triumph for the really, really small town club. Now that the pressure is on though, they will undoubtedly do a Sociedad (the real Real, by the way) and toss it all away spectacularly, handing Madrid their least deserved title ever, even less so than last year.
April 1st, 2008
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After last weeks madness at the Bernabeu, the stadium which was announced as the host for the UEFA Champions League Final in 2010 (maybe Madrid will have found a way past the 2nd round by then) should be home to more drama than a killer combination of Neighbours, Eastenders and The Merchant of Venice, come Sunday night.
But before that happens, Barca travel to Betis while Villareal play Atleti. The former is intriguing because Barca’s title bid somehow still has life, despite their continually impressive efforts to flush it down the toilet. The game itself will go ahead at the Manuel Ruiz de Lopera after all, despite Betis having a stadium ban hanging over their heads. Barca were about to complain, but then they realized that they’ve been putting off a similar ban for about 5 years now.
The clash at the Madrigal was always going to be important because it pits 3rd against 4th, with both teams eager to hang on to their precious Champions League places. However, Barca’s inconsistency, and Madrid’s general awfulness has meant that Villareal, the club the Beatles wrote a song about, now have a genuine chance of winning the Primera. 6 points might seem like a large gap, but now when one of the teams above you has more interior divisions than Christianity (not to mention a European campaign on the side), while the other has lost 5 of their last 8.
And it is with that formidable recent form behind them that Madrid take on Sevilla at home in the final fixture of the weekend, having suffered the most humiliating of losses at the same venue a week ago. These sides have already met three times this season, with Sevilla triumphing on every occasion, although it must be said that two of those were in the inconsequential Spanish SuperCup. Still, the signs are there that Sevilla could do a Valencia, so to speak. Like Valencia, they too do not share the greatest of relations with the Merengues, borne largely of a conception that referees at the Bernabeu are invited to participate in the pre-match Real Madrid team-talk ( a suspicion shared by every team in Spain about every other team). Also like Valencia, the stakes are high, although in their case its the slightly more ambitious goal of securing a European place, rather than fighting off relegation. But most importantly, every team these two teams play each other, every one on the field becomes, to steal a Partidgean phrase, a “mentalist.”
For what its worth, I still think Madrid will scrape home to the title, because they literally have no other games to play this season, and a huge squad ( minus the considerably important Van Nistelrooy) to not play them with.
March 29th, 2008
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If you had no previous interest in football and decided to start from today, you could be forgiven for thinking, given the incessant media coverage, that the game did not exist outside England. If you were lucky, you might catch on the Spain and Italy also played the game. Unless you lived in Germany though, you certainly would have no idea that football is quite popular there too, given the total lack of mainstream coverage given to Die Bundesliga. Strange really, given that in terms of value for money, no league can compare. I’m obviously not saying that the standard of football compares with the “Big 3.” While tremendously under-rated, the football will never have a chance of competing with the far richer leagues who can buy all the top talent. But in terms of the complete package, there’s no contest.
Ticket Prices - Going to the football in Germany is easily affordable for anyone who has any sort of job. Unlike in England where clubs annually raise their ticket prices substantially (not to mention the price of other expenses like food), a club like Dortmund charges you a mere 7 pounds, as compared to the 40-50 quid, at least usually required, for a Premiership match. This, of course, results in…
Higher Attendances. Most people are surprised when they learn that the Bundesliga achieves a higher average attendance than the Premiership. But tis true, as Paul Simpson explains. For all the talk of fanatical English support, when was the last time you saw a stand like this one in a Premiership game? Keep in mind that these are Dortmund fans, fans who have not seen success for ages and ages and ages (although they are in the Cup final this year, against old foes Bayern)…
The less said about Spanish (about 5 travelling away supporters, often racist) and Italian(about 5 home supporters, often racist) fans, the better. Again, I’m talking about average games, not Man United - Liverpool, Milan - Inter or Barca - Madrid.
Style of Football - While Spain provides the most attractive form of football on view, the Bundesliga is worthy second. The majority of teams have a genuine desire to attack, no matter what their position on the table, how illustrious their opponents are, or whether they’re at home or not. A pleasant change indeed from England’s 200km/h hoof-a-thon or Italy’s 34534 passes leading to a throw in.
A lot of people, many of them retired hippies, have been complaining of late about football losing its soul. Hell, I’ve done it on here a few times.It is impossible to escape this theory once you watch enough of the big leagues, but if you want to feel good about the beautiful game again, gie Die Bundesliga a try. At the very least, catch some of the highlights. Its not as if you have anything better to do. And once you realise how much ass it kicks, spread the word.
March 24th, 2008
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As I predicted, the real action on “Super Sunday” was at the Bernabeu, where Valencia pulled of a last minute 3-2 win over Los Merengues. It could easily have been 10-10, thanks to some comically poor passing from Madrid, and the presence of ex Madridista Ivan Helguera in the heart of Valencia’s defence. David Villa and Raul shared 2 goals apiece before Arizmendi scored a brilliantly cheeky winner , comprehensively pwning Cannavaro and Casillas in the process. This is the man who, don’t forget, Ronald Koeman tried to convert into a right back. The result means the ever predictable headline of “HAY LIGA!”(There is a league!) was splashed all over the Spanish tabloids for at least the 10th time this season. This time, however, they may just be right. Not only are Barca just 4 points off the pace, with a trip to Madrid to come on Matchday 36, but Villareal have quietly crept into contention, sitting a mere 6 points off the pace. It’s never boring in Spain.
It wasn’t boring at Old Trafford either, although that had less to do with the football and more to do with the loon that is Javier Mascherano. Having been given a yellow card for doing nothing, Mascherano proceeded to berate the ref at every opportunity for the rest of. Given his limited command of English, it was quite obvious to anyone with eyes that he was just using the ever unique expletive “Fuck off!” ad nausea. There was also something about the wry grin with which he kept saying it that suggested he didn’t think of referee Steve Benett as much of a human being. In the end, he received his second yellow after about the 58th delivery of his two favourite words, having just seen Fernando Torres get another undeserved yellow card. While Mascherano’s frustration with the decisions is understandable, the sight of him losing his rag completely suggested that he had a bet on with someone to see how fast he could send off. It really is better understood by watching the incident, but since the Premier League wastes no time in removing all videos of their precious games from the Internet, you’ll just have to wait for them to replay it on TV, which , at the moment, means a wait of about 5 minutes.
As for the game itself, Man United deservedly won 3-0 over a truly shocking Liverpool side, even when they had 11 men on the pitch. Their utter lack of creativity makes their continued European success even more baffling, and frankly, quite annoying. Call me a snob, but I don’t want to have to watch a side so devoid of entertainment in the biggest games of the season. In the second installment of Sky’s showpiece event, Chelsea came from behind to beat Arsenal 2-1, jumping ahead of their London rivals in the process and positioning themselves as Man United’s main challengers. Manyoo’s forthcoming games against Arsenal and Chelsea are shaping up to be very crucial and tasty affairs, but no doubt all the genuine excitement will be sucked out of us by endless promotions equating the games to the Championship of the Universe.
Another Super Sunday, another predictable anti-climax.
March 24th, 2008
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One of the sad joys of playing Football Manager is looking at the “Personal” section of the players and seeing whom they like and/or hate. The other day, I stumbled upon none other than Ronaldinho’s page, and lo and behold, his two best buddies are Ronaldo (real) and Adriano! A once potentially lethal frontline, the only people frightened by a combination of the three now are little children, afraid that the bulky Brazilians might eat them as a light snack. Let’s take a look at the decline of the three, followed by a prediction of who their latest recruit will be…
Ronaldo - In his prime, the greatest striker ever by miles and miles. Then he kept injuring his knee, and spent entire seasons lying down. He, therefore, has something of an excuse, for a lifestyle like that can only lead in one direction in the weight department.
Adriano - Remember how good Adriano was when he first came to Europe? Remember his lethal left foot? He doesn’t either, given that he hasn’t seen it for over a year.
“We’re having a bucket of KFC for lunch!”
Ronaldinho - The guy who lifted Barca from relegation trouble to winning the Champions League, getting the Madrid fans to applaud him at the Bernabeu in the process. Now has trouble lifting himself out of bed, having missed more than half of Barca’s games this season and almost all their training sessions.
The common thread here is that these aren’t just any Brazilians; they were, at some point, considered to be the best in the world, and with complete justification. With that in mind, who are the candidates to be the latest inductee into Fat Camp Brazil?I smell a money spinning new reality show…
Kaka - The man who claims to belong to Jesus is so innocent that he probably shies away from eating crackers for fear of hurting them, despite their lack of sentience. Still, its often the innocent ones who go crazy eventually.
Robinho - Had a very poor start to his Madrid career due to excessive partying and generally acting like a Class A twat, but has since got his act together and become an incredible player. He is, therefore, heading in the wrong direction for Fat Camp, but a return to his hedonistic ways can never be ruled out.
Alex Pato - The boy is doomed. Not only is he being touted as the next Ronaldo, but he has set up camp in Milan, the scene of the crime for two of our heroes. Expect to see before/after pictures of him on your television in the near future.
Pato? More like FATO! Get it? Get it?
March 22nd, 2008
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